14 days

until Summer.

I am so unbelievably close, I just want to skip through next week and get finals over with,

but instead I am working on a paper-analysis project and packing up my sad little depressing room. I spent over an hour just cleaning out drawers and removing pictures from the wall. My room is looking empty, but I still feel like I have so much to move out. Next semester, all I gotta say is I am bringing a lot less! There is just way too much stuff I haven't touched since I moved in, but now it looks empty and sad. 

The shelves don't hold pictures. 

and the walls are plain.

It is crazy to think my freshman year is already over, they don't lie when they say to enjoy college because it flies by. It really does. I am so excited for next year, but definitely need a break so I am thankful summer is around the corner. 

College really stretches you to a place where you have never been that is neither comfortable nor easy, but I think it is time to really find yourself and grow as person, and that is something I am excited to continue on, because I know I have a lot of growing to do. 

Weekend is almost here.

Lots of Loveee.

My Favorite time

is morning time.

Now despite the fact I am not early to rise often, but usually last to run into the kitchen and swipe the last bit of coffee into a big green m&m mug. I still love morning time. I love the way the sunshine peeks into the blinds just enough to shine right into your eyes (which is sometimes bothersome, but always beautiful). I love to just stretch and slowly open my eyes, roll out of bed, and now that I live in a dorm, make my own coffee. The smell of vanilla immediately takes over and sweeps throughout the tiny space. Mornings make for a new day, a fresh start. Although some mornings I am slow and grudgingly get ready, other mornings I am happy to awake and get started on my day, but days like today it is nice to be up early sipping my coffee, with no rush. Nowhere to be, nowhere at all for this moment anyways. So I maybe watch an episode of friends or two and prolong getting ready, but it's ok because this my friends is what morning time looks like somedays.

and this is my favorite time to just be.

Loveee. 

Easter weekend.

Easter is such a beautiful day.. always. Regardless of the weather that may or may not have been pretty, or the fact that I was missing half of my family. Holidays are changing around the house, being the youngest of 4 girls, I am often left behind. All my other sisters are growing up and creating their own families and traditions. As happy as I am for them to have that opportunity, I miss them. I miss the laughter that gathers around the kitchen table, and the 10 half drank-en coffee cups let on the counter, and just them. This easter was much different. The first easter it has just been me, my little brother, mom, and dad. Just the four of us. I have gotten used to it being just the four of us on weekends, vacations, and dinner outings, but not yet on holidays. Easter is always beautiful because of the reason we celebrate. We are alive and well because Jesus covered our sins with his plentiful grace, but don't worry because he resurrected and he is alive and well too! I am thankful I was able to celebrate with some of the family, and we bonded alot this weekend as "just the four of us". It may have been quiet and discrete bonding, but it was special. We went to the rangers game and ate junkfood, ate a wonderful fancy sunday lunch, watched the apprentice, and just simple enjoyed each others company just the four of us.

and I although I missed my sisters and their husbands, and the babies running around.
It was nice.

Loveee.

I won't let you close enough to hurt me.

I'm strong. Stronger than I was then which means I can walk out just like I did before, only this time I have to walk out better. I can't leave my heart tied to it. I have take every piece of luggage with me, because if I leave anything behind. God knows, I'll go back and get it the second the door is left open even, if it's just cracked. I'll go back. I know the second I walk through the door it won't get shut in my face but it will feel like it did, but  I go back regardless. I push the door closed behind me and immediately regret my decision, as I feel suffocated by the emotions that were left behind. Everything I worked so hard to repair will be left broken around the place just like it was the first day I walked out, broken to pieces, running frantically to clean the place up. This time I went back, but it was different. I had previously cleaned up the mess, I had left and said I was done. It's not my mess anymore, and although I left things behind I shouldn't have, I learned my lesson quickly. I went back, shut the door behind me, ran up the stairs right past your deceitfully charming eyes and your "knew you would be back" open arms. I grabbed every last thing was mine out of your room, anything I had ever handed over to you and told myself I would never get back. I grabbed my love that was scattered all over your floor as it was being continually walked on. I grabbed the one piece of my heart I gave to you off the shelf in your back closet, only I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see all the other pieces of everyone else's heart laying beside it. I grabbed my naivety, I'm here for you conversation, and open arms off the coat hook gathering dust in the corner and packed in it a bag because it was mine, and you didn't deserve it. I then took one last glance, took a deep breathe and knew that I needed to do this for myself. I ran down the stairs, breathing heavy. heart racing. I pulled my bag behind, it was heavy baggage, but I was strong enough to take it with me this time. You reached your hand out and begged me to stay and I backed up a little in fear if you got to close you could hurt me. I grabbed the door knob, locked your eyes with mine one last time, and left you there empty as you had left me. I shut the door, quietly, because I knew you were gonna sit there in silence and disbelief waiting for me to run back through the door and beg to stay. I got in my car and had never felt better. I had everything that was mine and it was as if I had lost nothing. I put my keys in the ignition and never looked back.

Sweetest Downfall.

This goes out to all of the people who have been broken but have been strong enough to let go. For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt they could never love again, but kept their head up. For those who feel like going back to their old lover would put all the pieces back where they belong and everything would fit, but accept the cold hard truth instead. For the people that learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. For the people that wish loneliness wasn’t a part of them, but put up with it anyhow. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if sometimes it feels a little empty. For the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, but smile anyway. For the people that periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future. For the people that have wounds still healing. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead. For the people that pick up the phone so tempted to call, but keep their dignity in tact instead. For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to. For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured. For all the people that gave up not because they were weak, but because most times it’s better just to let go.

You gradually get over the pain.
It doesn't go away, not for a long time,
but it becomes easier to live with.
One morning you wake up and he's
not the first thing on your mind.

It's the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. and it's hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It's crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, and  you want to move on, but you're stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can't decide what you want. When you have so many things to say, but you don't know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It's so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different, and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it's not worth it, but if it really didn't matter, you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it

One day you’re gonna want her. That girl that knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. 

Love.

"Its kind of a funny story"

I rented this movie tonight, ever seen it?

You should.

It's different, but good and pretty interesting.

I like movies that you get inside other peoples thoughts, see it for reality.

This movie definitely achieved that.


Favorite quote:

"I still need to face my homework, my school, my friends. My dad. But the difference between today and last Saturday is that for the first time in a while, I can look forward to the things I want to do in my life. Bike, eat, drink, talk. Ride the subway, read, read maps. Make maps, make art. Finish the Gates application. Tell my dad not to stress about it. Hug my mom. Kiss my little sister. Kiss my dad. Make out with Noelle. Make out with her more. Take her on a picnic. See a movie with her. See a movie with Aaron. Heck, see a movie with Nia. Have a party. Tell people my story. Volunteer at 3 North. Help people like Bobby. Like Muqtada. Like me. Draw more. Draw a person. Draw a naked person. Draw Noelle naked. Run, travel, swim, skip. Yeah, I know it's lame, but, whatever. Skip anyway. Breathe... Live. "






Love the last line especially. 






Watch it. 








Loveeeeee. 

Summer shopping satisfied?

Well for the time being.

I spent yesterday getting a teensy bit taste of my summer.
It was perfect and oh so lovely.
I ventured off to Southlake town square to enjoy some shopping time with two of my favorite girls.
We shopped and ate some Yucatan taco stand (Haven't tried it? Get on that right now) You won't regret it!
The original plan was for me to drive back to school and finish the week off, but of course I got swept into the thought of spending the rest of that hot summery day with the girls. I mean who doesn't love a good sleepover?
It was so refreshing and relaxing. I got to shop, eat, and we sat around a table playing cards for a few hours.
I couldn't be happier with the looks of my summer, and even more content with the people I am going to be surrounded with.

I did get to pick up a few articles of clothing that are going to be essential in my summer closet.

These adorable linen pants? too adorable to pass up right?

These cute sandals, (not sure how comfy they will be by the end of the summer)
But they were trendy and looked good with my blue nail polished toes.

This floral romper.
Honestly I loved it on and was super comfortable.

Buttttt, I am debating on returning it and maybe getting a different one.

We'll see.




Lots of Love. Enjoy the heat for those of you who are done with school.


Lounge lots for me!

Loveeee.

Summer Lovin.

Ahh. I have 17 days of real school left. 3 of which are finals days. Oh and I didn't include weekends or the days off, 

regardless I am so close.

So here's to summer being right around the corner. Hope this gets all of you excited for those summer night out with friends. It is always my favorite thing to be lazy all day and then get to get all dolled up for a hot summer night with friends or date night! 

Enjoy!

I am desperate need of some "wear with everything" sandals.
So far these are a steal from old navy, but I'm still browsing. 

First things first, Gap's Summer lookbook is just too adorable for words.
And I NEED those pants, and maybe the shoes to go with the pants, and the belt
to go with the shoes and the pants.

Strappy, bright, and cute dresses.
This is the "Eyelet border dress" from Delias 

The "Promenade skirt" from francesca's 

Comfy yet effortlessly cute cheetah print rocketdog flats 

Loving this oversized floral top from forever 21.
Have a feeling this will be an essential this summer.

A big tote! This one from Gap happens to be made out of straw
and it has sequins. Perfect for trips to the pool and can still look
oh so chic!


Cheers to summer being around the corner!


Loveee


♥ 

My weekend

is here.

Yet, I have spent every hour since I've been out of class today doing classwork.

I want to relax and do absolutely nothing for weeks and weeks, but every time I think I have time. A project gets added to the load and my time gets smaller.

I will unfortunately be spending this weekend studying for my last test on monday (besides finals of course).

Then I will get a day or two of relaxing in and a good easter weekend, then hitting it hard until summer.

I keep telling myself to if I make it to this day, I'll be ok, however I have yet to feel like I "made it". I suppose the stress and anxiety will not end until Summer and the only calming thing is to watch a few friends episodes in between studying, browsing shops online, and listening to Bon Iver's "Skinny Love" Pandora station.

Hope everyone is having a beautiful weekend, the weather is feeling way too much like summer causing me to be quite apathetic.


Lots of Loveeee.

Something a little sweet.

This song is a current re-run in my ears right now.

It is absolutely precious and makes me feel so good inside.

Soooo. I thought I would share to hopefully spread a little cheer and feel good to everybody's day.




Alabama, Arkansas, I do love my Ma & Pa, not the way that I do love you. Holy roly, me, oh my, you’re the apple of my eye. Girl, I’ve never loved one like you. Man, oh man, you’re my best friend, I scream it to the nothingness
There ain’t nothin’ that I need. Well, hot & heavy, pumpkin pie, chocolate candy, Jesus Christ
There ain’t nothin’ please me more than you
Ahh, Home. Let me come Home
Home is wherever I’m with you, La la la la, take me Home
Baby, I’m coming Home

I’ll follow you into the park, through the jungle, through the dark. Girl, I’ve never loved one like you
Moats & boats & waterfalls, alley ways & pay phone calls. I’ve been everywhere with you

That’s true

We laugh until we think we’ll die, barefoot on a summer night. Nothin’ new is sweeter than with you and in the sticks we’re running free like it’s only you and me
Geez, you’re something to see.



“Jade?”
“Alexander?”
“Do you remember that day you fell out of my window?”
“I sure do, you came jumping out after me.”
“Well, you fell on the concrete and nearly broke your ass and you were bleeding all over the place and I rushed you off to the hospital. Do you remember that?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, there’s something I never told you about that night.”
“What didn’t you tell me?”
“While you were sitting in the backseat smoking a cigarette you thought was going to be your last, I was falling deep, deeply in love with you and I never told you ‘til just now.”
“Now I know.”





Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is whenever I’m with you
Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is when I’m alone with you. 




Cutest thing right? The bold part is my favorite. Precious.


Loveeee.

To be Honest,

I'm tired.

emotionally & physically.

My body is aching for more than summer nights. It wants early mornings sipping coffee with the family, and waking up to days filled with freedom. Craving those late humid sticky evenings sitting around outside laughing, and lounging by the pool in the afternoon as the sun beats on our bare skin. I am anxiously awaiting arrival of the new baby girl to come in May, and to be home. Home for more than 2 days at a time. To just be there and not have to leave. Tired of hugging goodbye even if I'll see them again in 5 or 6 days. Tired of missing people.

School's a killer right now, but I have 3 weeks left of real school and then a week of finals.

I can do it. I know I can.


Sorry for the lack of posting, trying to balance everything including blogging, and right now it's just not number one on the to do list. But promise as soon as summer comes, things will be different and maybe adding some changes so I'm not too much of a bore!

Loveeee.

Quiet Moments.

I love the end of day. More so, I love the end of the week or should I say the feeling when Friday night has finally approached after a week that just dragged on.

It's a refreshing feeling to lay on the bed at the end of the day and know you can sleep without worrying about having to wake and concentrate.

Nope. I get to wake to the sounds of Dad flipping through the newspaper, coffee brewing, and mom singing or talking to herself as she gathers her thoughts in the morning.

I love walking into my room at the end of the week, getting a hot cup of coffee, and ending my day in peace & leisure. Always.

It's these quiet moments at the end of the day when everyone has bundled under their covers and flipped the light switch off.
These quiet moments that make me never want to leave.


Happy Weekend.


Loveee.

Typical Thursday?

Not at all.

I have spent the last 3 days buried beneath pages of notes about things I have no interest in or ever will, Government or "Political Science". I have been trying to pull of a good grade in this class, but so far it is seeming to be impossible and I'll be lucky for a C in the class (which is damaging to the self-esteem). Anyways, to the point I knew if I could get past this test I could breathe. So here comes Thursday morning, and I wake up, sip my coffee, and review for the test. I walk into the class feeling confident and ready to be done with studying. I glance at the test and hear a lot of whispering, I think this is definitely not what I studied. I then recognize all the questions and realize I have failed this before and I can tell you I am not about to again. I then hear the whole class speaking loudly and everyone is realizing this is the wrong test. The professor announces they printed the wrong one and the test will be moved to tuesday. Everyone is thrilled…but me. I had plans next monday to go home after my math test and enjoy my boy's birthday with him, but instead it seems I will be spending that lovely day studying my heart out all over again. This is not the end though. I then proceed to my next class, where I find out that I have 2 english classes left in the semester. TWO!! One of which is review and the other which is the final!! So instead of 8 english classes left, I have two. He also bumped up the "gimme" final to the week before finals so that we just be finished and not have to stress. So this new is thrilling.
Today was a long day and filled with interesting unexpected news. Boyfriends day was even longer, so I am ready for a relaxing weekend home with him and my family. Weekends don't come quick enough anymore. Thankful for friends who buy me coffee so I function properly, and other friends who take me to get frozen yogurt on bad days.

Life is good, even on the most frustrating of days.

Lots of Loveeee.

Delicate

I don't have much time to blog today, but I did have an writing assignment due today and I thought I might share. We had to choose and emotion and describe it vividly with abstract words. I chose the subject of heartbreak.

Enjoy.

"I picked up the phone. Your breaths were brisk but petite, I could barely comprehend the words slipping out of your mouth. But I knew. I knew what had happened. I whispered delicately, the words “I’m on my way”, you only responded with an elongated exhale. I heard a beep. beep. beep. The line went dead. Within 10 minutes later, I appeared at your door where I had stood and waited so many times waiting for you to finish getting ready. This time it was unlocked. I walked right up the carpeted stairs without saying a word and there you were. Placed down on the glazed hard-wood floor. Surrounded by the puddle of salty tears. You couldn’t utter a word. You didn’t need to. Each tear slid down your rosy red cheeks and smacked into the wood floor as you blubbered through each breath. And with every inhale and exhale, the hot breath created a fog against the wood floor where your face was pressed against. I sat. And sat. And sat. I sat there all night. We didn’t speak. I was just there. Sometimes thats all you need. Your emotions had enclosed you. Damien Rice lyrics filled the room. “So why’d you fill my sorrows with the words you’ve borrowed from the only place you’ve known. Why’d ya sing Hallelujah If it means nothing to you. Why’d you sing with me at all?”. You fell asleep on the floor that night. I wanted to move you but you were dead weight. I could not sleep. I wanted to be there for you when you woke up. I had to be there. But I slipped into a deep sleep. I couldn’t fight it. My eyes closed strenuously. Emotions are exhausting, even more so when you have to be strong for someone else. The sun’s rays shined into the peaks of the blinds the next morning. I had passed out. You were still there. This day was different though. You were laying on a pillow. Eyes wide open. Staring at the pictures mounted upon the wall by nails. You knew you had to take each one down. Each and every one of them. You had accepted reality. You wanted life to stop. You knew it wouldn’t ever slow down. I  knew it was a gonna be a process. I had been there before. I climbed off of the bed and planted myself right next you. I placed my hand in yours and compacted the two of our hands. Together. I looked into your weary eyes that reflected all the memories passing through your mind. You would be replaying every little detail in your head for a few days. But you had to know something you didn’t want to hear. And so I told you. I told you something every girl blocks from their brain in these situations. “It’s going to be ok”. You looked at me like someone who was standing at the bottom of a giant hole in the ground, reaching up but knew she would never get out. So I said it one more time. Just so you knew. “It’s going to be ok”.You looked defeated. You placed your head back down on the pillow, gripped my hand, and shut your eyes tightly. This is what heart break does to you. It makes you second guess yourself. It brings you to a place where reality doesn’t exist. A place where a room full of old pictures still appear on the wall, words that should never be said unless meant remembered, and sleepless nights.It makes you stronger than ever before. It builds you into a new person. But it’s a battle to get there. It’s hard to remember who you are without a person’s name there anymore, when it was attached for so long. And then Damien Rice reminded us of something. “It’s not that were scared, It’s just that it’s delicate”. That was exactly what that moment was, delicate. ""

Loveeeeee. 

p.s. (please don't take credit or post anywhere without credit considering I wrote this myself.)

♥

Some days when you find yourself thinking too much about life, it is easy to want to fast forward time and say things you don't really mean like I want to give up, and If only I could skip college and get to things I really want to without all the hard work. Unfortunately, I am then reminded why I am here. School is hard, especially when you get out of class at 12 but spend at least 3 or 4 hours in the library doing work or studying, but it's worth it. For some people maybe working 8-5 everyday is tiring, and they want to be able to live life luxuriously without having to make the money to do so, but its worth it. I am so excited for the future that sometimes I forget about the now. The now should be enjoyed because we are blessed to still be here with each day we are alive. I get so worked out about what is to come only to find myself anxious and lost for what I am doing, but God says to be anxious of nothing. I am thankful for beautiful weather, and the privilege of being educated, now if I could just find more focus. 

Hope everyones monday are lovely! 

Loveeee. 

Confession-Session Sunday.

I want sunday to be over

and

Monday to be here. (Never thought I would say that)


and

and as soon as as Monday Morning makes it's presence known



I would like Friday to arrive.


Thanks and Loveeee.

100% All Girl.

There is something so spectacular somedays about being a girl. Things we girls often take for granted. Like   spending an evening with a plate of chocolate and our faces buried beneath the pages of a fashion magazine. The ability to do nothing for the night but do our hair for the fun of just getting to feel pretty. Playing with a puppy for less than 5 minutes and becoming instantaneously attached. That bonding time to some girls means browsing through closes and having another girl there to help you choose what to buy and what not to buy. Being able to buy a feminine something only to be slept in, but yet it still makes you feel so dainty and delicately pretty. All I gotta say is I am a complete girl, 100%. I am completely ok with that on days like today when I get to indulge in that fact. Life through a girly lens is unrealistic but necessary to enjoy every now and then, because it's pretty (and being a girl I get to use that as an excuse to shop and for other many things in life).

Here are some pictures of the girliness! 

Pretty Anthropologie box, I refuse to throw away. 

Bloodhound puppy wrinkly faces. 

Plates full of Chocolate eaten with no regret. 

Feminine details such as lace. 

The vintage touch this picture has.

Loveeee.