Beautiful World.

Day before halloween.
I am probably going to spend today studying if i can ever get moving, then maybe visist with a best friend over some fro-yo, then dinner with a good friend from high school, and most likely attending my high school's play.

Busy busy day.

Yesterday was wonderful, i came home and of course said hi to my friend who presented me a delicious and adorable cupcake from j.raes which was oh so good! Look at the icing, it is absolutely amazing.

Then me, my mom, and my aunt went down to the granbury square and saw this cute little play, love letters, at the opera house. I love spending time with them, they are a pretty funny pair together.

On another note, i just want to say Happy One-Year to my boyfriend, we both are wishing we could spend it together, however we also are aware that we will are both where we are supposed to be for a reason. We knew where we would be a year ago and as he puts it, we chose to stay by each other's side. It has been amazing year, and I've always had a fun time with him, even if that meant being lazy and staying on the couch all day in the summer. I can tell you right now, a year ago he swept me off my feet and i haven't look back since then. Here's to one year! Always. Always. 

Loveeee. ♥

"Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave...

and grow old wanting to get back to." 

I dont know if i said this before but there is something about being home.
Maybe i am not one for change, or a new environment.
Maybe i am just good with familiarity and am way too comfortable.
I've always known i needed change, i just never knew how much i would love to come home.
I know for a fact now that attending North Texas was a good decision, because frankly the hour drive is the perfect distance. I am not too far, and I am not too close, although sometimes i am scared to complain because i know how far other people are.
I love having the option to drive home and see family and friends, also being able to do laundry is a major plus. ( I think i have only paid for laundry once in college, yikes!) I even waited 2 1/2 weeks one time just because i knew i was going home soon.
It is especially better to do laundry at home because when i bring them back to my dorm the smell carries through the room, it is the smell of home.

I am curled up in my beautiful cherry red chair in my bedroom right now as i write this.
It is in a corner to where i can see the whole room.
I find it so weird to come home to a clean untouched room.
My moms first words when walking in my room and looking at the floor were "well it looks like someone lives here again", because of course i have a giant bag for just a two night stay. Not to mention I always end up bringing more back to my dorm every time i come home.

 Sometimes I feel really far even though I'm not at all, I am learning very quickly how much home really means to me. It is valued so much more every time I walk in the front door, not only because the mass amount of space, but also the quiet i get to disturb with my loud music. ha! You know my family misses this.
Most of all just the feeling of home, and the welcoming arms of my family.
I guess its true that home really is where the heart is.


Loveee.

Tswift.

Gotta say i love the new taylor swift cd, it has been playing continuously as i do homework. Yeah yeah, people say "all her words are the same, they are all about love" and yes i do not deny this fact, however, this is my blog and i can say whatever. Due to this fact, im paying a slight tribute to the new good cd by posting what i think might be my favorite song. 


Never Grow Up. 
I want to rerecord this with my voice and put it on a cd for my niece, she will appreciate these words someday but for now here is my advice to you little baby kaitlyn marie lowe. 

Your little hands wrapped around my finger And it's so quiet in the world tonight. Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming, So I tuck you in and turn on your favorite nightlight. To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret, I'd give all I have honey, If you could stay like that. No one's ever burned, Nothing's ever left you scarred. Even though you want to, just try to never grow up
Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room, memorize what is sounded like what your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said, and all your little brother's favorite songs

Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heat
And even though you want to, please try to never grow up
Don't you ever grow up

Just a phone call away,

only this becomes so much more complicated in a long distance relationship. You have to throw in schedules, timing, and take in to account that you are going to be home at different times of the night. Long distance and the meaning behind a phone call away, it just doesn't mean the same thing anymore. You are so much farther than a phone call away.

Long days filled with i miss you's only seems to make it harder, luckily my tears have gotten stronger i think. I don't even think i have cried in college once. I'm not really sure this is due to no privacy while crying or the fact i won't let myself. I resist continuously. However the past 2 days, i have found myself allowing a few tears. The weather today only increased this. I went back to high school this weekend as i hung out with my senior class once again. I am one for personal talk, which you do not get much of when everyone is trying to see one another. Although in every conversation i received this question, "so..are you still together with him?, and then it went on to wow ya'll are still together? that is impressive glad yall are doing so well". No one apparently believed we could do this, we are conquering this distance and i am counting down the days.
I am so ready to see him. 
Expect many posts about how excited i am in the next two weeks, apologies. It is incredible that i have not seen him in 3 months, also that we are about to be dating for a whole year. I cannot believe it. Rough week, confused feelings, and mixed emotions are never fun. What can you do except go on and love life.

Need so much prayer the next two weeks, i have so much to do and my focus is going to be lost.

I really miss my best friend.




loveeeee. ♥

Sweet dreams of sad goodbyes.

You know that feeling where you wake up and miss someone?
The person that your whole body wants nothing to do with, however your heart is aware of the fact that you once gave a piece of yourself to them that you will never get back.

This was a day like that.
All you want to do is just check up on them and send the simple "hi..how are you doing, been thinking of you. I hope life is good" text only to get a slight conversation out of it.
You probably you shouldn't. Sometimes i wish i could throw away memories of people then i remember all the good times and tell myself to never ever do that.

We are such different people now, we have grown apart. Everything in my heart wants to believe this isn't true. Of course one does the usual check up via facebook, but all you see is the new girl standing in your place. She dare stand where you stood for so long trying to save you and play the role she is achieving.

It is funny how things change and how you can invest so much time into a person and it not last.
I pray my relationship now to last, because he is my best friend in the world and i do not want to ever have a day where i wake up and think about how i miss him even though he is a stranger to me now, like i did today with someone else.

----------------------------------------------------

On a lighter note, my friend is coming in from louisiana tonight and she is coming to stay with me in Denton! I am so excited, oh and of course it worked out perfectly that both my classes got cancelled for tomorrow. It was meant to be. Tomorrow i will spending the day shopping with my non-existent shopaholic account money! This is what has gotten me through October, cannot wait.

Love & Water.

"I couldn't convince you that the blue you see is the same blue that I see. 
But maybe that's how lovers know they're meant to love; they see the same blue. 
And they both know it."
-iwrotethisforyou

Mr.Postman.

Music lyrics are overwhelming my life right now, apologize that they are not my words, however you should know they mean just as much and the words from the songs are filling my heart.
Currently listening to:

"Im your attune, July and June, I miss the sounds you make. Theres wearings in these months I'm living in
And I need something new, Yes I need something new
The phone line outside my house Wonder what words it has seen, What would happen if they all spilled out
And, I got the lovley ones for free
Tie them in a bow and send them your way on the fastest train I know, to get to you
Do I really need a reason besides "I want too" And I've got an unending debt to love you

If you were to say that you love Thursdays, I'd do my best to plan, I'd find a way, convince them to escape from there  usual weekday clans  I'd set them right, so there side by side
On a calendar for you, Throw the old one out , Keep the yellow storage house of sunny Saturdays too
Free for you to use

Check your mail, Did I get your address right
I'd hate to think that anybody else might've picked  up all the love I sent for you

Wait a minute, Wait a minute Mr.Postman,
Wait, Mr.postman Mr.postman look and see
Is there a letter, A letter for me?

Do I really need a reason besides "I want to"
And I've got an unending debt to love you""

Tell me about it...Stud.

Hot.

Halloween Costume? Yes.

All i need is to get me some pleather jeggings, throw on my black tube top, borrow my friends leather jacket, use my betsey johnson belt and my red pumps. I've got the curly hair thing down to a T. I will throw on some red lipstick and be out the door singing "your the one that i want" all night. 

Best Halloween Ever, oh did i mention i am spending it at the house of blues and my best fran is coming down from LSU to go with me. yes. yes. yes. yes. Cannot wait. 

Just a memory on the shelf.

I can't believe that this time of year i was in such a different place than i am now. I was so confused and so torn. Torn between who i was and who i loved. Things are so different now but the memory is still so vivid, as if it were yesterday.

5 days from now i experienced a whirlwind of emotions ill never forget. I remember not knowing how to feel that day or what to feel. I felt stuck. Stuck inside this trap someone labeled lost. I was running in every direction possible searching for a way out of the suffocating feeling called death. I had never really had to feel that before up until that point. I woke up and drove my crying eyes to meet someone and allow them to pick me up and go to the hospital to be there for her. She didn't deserve it but who ever does? She was so strong and so brave. I would have never handled it like she did, how could anyone go on without your mom? i can't imagine. I remember not saying much, but no one needed to. I just remember sitting all day next to her and being there. I remember staying with her all day for two days in a row until each night late i was forced to go home and sleep. She had so much courage and trust in God, it would have been ok if she wanted to feel weak but she just wanted to experience people's love around her, with words or not. She didn't need to be strong but she was. We all felt like we had to be strong for her, she was so strong though that we had to be stronger and it was hard because we wanted to feel weak and weary. I remember that first night after leaving the house she was staying at, i felt so tired and drained from hiding my emotions and trying to be tough. All i wanted to do was cry and be cared for. He wasn't there, he had never seen me like that, He didn't know what to do. I couldn't blame him, we just started talking, so i ran the opposite way. I ran for the person who did know what to do and did know how to handle me in this state of mind, who knew exactly what to say to take it all away. I shouldn't have, i didn't know the one that i believed couldn't handle me would end up being the one i loved, the one who now knows me better than the other and im so sorry for that. I should have put my faith in you but i didn't have any faith to place in anyone or anything and i wasn't willing to be vulnerable with you. Im so sorry. However, i remember the drive home that night, i remember sitting in my car crying and asking this simple question "what are you doing?" and him responding with "nothing, come over". It was like he knew something was wrong, this is why i ran to him. I hope someday you will understand that. I drove the 30 minute drive, and my eyes only grew redder and puffier on the way there. I pulled up to his house and he walked out. He climbed into my car and just hugged me, he knew i was in shock. It scared him, it scared him for his life and his grandpas life. It was just something we didn't want to deal with. We didn't want to accept. So we did what we did best, we cried, we talked, and he hugged me, and he kissed me and everything went away. He just had this way about him that was almost frustrating. I hated he had that control to make things better, i didn't want him to be that guy but i let him for a period of time and i am so sorry.

This a memory on my shelf, and never pull it out. So up until today, it has collected quite the amount of dust. But it is that time of year again and i cant believe how long ago it was when it seems like it happened last week. I don't want monday to come, i don't want to remember what happened that day or remember what i felt that day. I thought maybe if i pulled the memory out before and let all the emotions write themselves on paper that i won't have to face them again on the same day but just know it happened and it has only made me stronger. Guess I will see.

Fall in Love.

"I watched you laughing from the passenger side
Realized that I loved you in the fall.
Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all your love"

Monday Morning Blues.

Hello Monday, i will conquer you and your blues today. 

Choosing to be happy. 

beautiful.

"your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones turn into something beautiful, Do you know? You know that i love you so, you know i love you so".



What a beautiful line.
Coldplay is so calming, i will probably sleep soundly to it tonight.

lazy day love.

Plans for saturday?

eh.


Pretty sure ill be pulling a night in to myself, which is always relaxing.
Going to spend it by:
Planning to watch date night
Eat Soup
Study a little bit
Drink Coffee
Write letters
Make a fashion collage to hang on the wall
Re-organize some stuff
Talk on the phone to my boy
and paint my nails

hmm. probably wont get around to it all but then again its only 5:20, i've got all night.

Fantastic Fridays.

There is just nothing greater than fridays in college, however there is nothing worse than having a monday test and knowing your going to need to study over the weekend but will most likely not.
Anyways, here is a list of the things that are just making this a fantastic friday.

- Loving boyce avenue today, if you haven't heard them, i highly consider it. Look them up on youtube, they do covers of songs and they never fail.
- hot tea and good coffee.
- being able to wear a sweater outside, except texas keeps dangling fall in front of my face then snatching it up and making it like 80 something degrees in the late afternoon boooo.
- the fact this friday is consisting of a large pepperoni pizza, orange juice, and a red box movie with my gal pal.
- Shopping. Im obsessed, i feel the need to buy something everywhere i go. what is wrong with me? i kind of feel like my retail therapy has increased since my boyfriend left. hmm. oh well!
- my royal blue nail polish on my teeny tiny bitten to the core nails. it is so fun!
- skinny skinny and more skinny jeans. loveee.

I am going to the state fair this weekend with my lovely chaotic family, crossing my fingers for an amazing and fun-filled saturday because come sunday im stuck in the library.

30 Days.

In thirty days, I am going to be on the road to one place, Iowa.
It is going to be so cold, but i don't mind.
I am pretty positive i wont mind anything just because i am finally going to get to see my boy.
yeah yeah so i love mushy mumble a lot, what can you do?
Anyways, the countdown begins!
However, i hope the details fall in place soon because my parents cant decide if they want me to drive (ride) or fly there.
I am just so ecstatic about having the opportunity to go see him before thanksgiving (which was originally the next time i would see him) that i am not going to care whether I'm flying or driving.
Actually, i take that back i am going to be an anxious wreck while driving, who cares.
Me and his mom are going to have some kind of bonding experience being in the car together for that long, or I at least hope she still likes me after that long of a drive.
I know i haven't been keeping up with my blog, but college has been crazy and overwhelming and i shouldn't even be blogging right now, but that's ok.
I have much to do, i just thought i would leave you with the one constant thought in my mind this week.

loveeee.♥

Take me where you may.

Sometimes i am lost. I absorb the world like a sponge just trying to take in everything so beautiful around me and i get caught up in watching people interact moving in and out of their daily life patterns. I become overwhelmed, confused, and stuck, Stuck in the fact that i have no absolute clue to what i am doing or why i am there. I am basically a train wreck when it comes to this point of realization, especially because sometimes it feels like i'm the only one in this position (however i know this is entirely wrong). Anyways there is always this constant reminder. A constant reminder that God wants to me to wait on him, and that me not knowing what im doing is exactly where he wants me to be. He wants to me be patient and be active in prayer and in his word so when he does tell me where to go and what to do that i am ready to be sent out.
"My purpose remains, the art of losing myself in bringing you praise".

Its all for the glory of God, and his purpose is just me relying on him and trusting in my faith that he will take care of me. God will place me in the direction i need to go, even if i don't know where that is. He has a plan and his way is the path i choose.

One of those days.

Too bad im just missing you.

♥

"They dont get your soul or your fire."