"I see it all now that your gone"

"I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw."


I remember pulling up to your driveway that day and thinking I will never get over you. I knew I had no other choice but to walk away once and for all. It was the scariest thing I had ever done. I knew what heartbreak felt like already with you, and I knew It was only going to get worse as I turned around and didn't look back. I handed you that letter that explained things in writing, I could not say to your face. I drove away and deleted any contact information I had within my phone. I told myself if I did that, there would be no trace of you. Of course I failed to realize it was only on the surface. My heart was aching to hear the words "I miss you", whether people could see it behind my laughing mouth or not. I became stronger with every minute passing and your remains slowly disappeared with each coming day. It wasn't something I had to do, it was something I wanted to do. I didn't do it because I hated you, I didn't do it because I loved you. I did it because I believed in you more than anything else. This was a situation where I couldn't watch your light go out that I had continually built up. I knew if I didn't leave then the heartbreak wouldn't just be about walking away, but more about watching you fall. Sometimes I still feel the need to reach my hands out and grab you out of the mess. I remember I walked away though, I didn't want to clean up the mess. I wanted to help you, love you, and show you how much potential that you refused to reveal to anyone else. I didn't make this mess, you did. I don't owe you a word either because the second I say something, the second I become involved. I start to reach out for you and expect you to grab back but I pull my hand back in whenever your about to grab on. Reality kicks in and I look to left and to my right and remember how happy I am, how I have the people around me that see me in all my faults and love me even me for them.  You never appreciated that, there was always something I didn't do enough of. I've spent way too much time guarding my heart from you when I should have been able to show you my faith in you without it being abused.  You can't tell me I don't care, and you can't tell me I never did. You know I cared more than anyone ever could. I need the person beside me now who cares the same amount and more back. I put up a wall because of you but he was actually tear it down, he tried, he fought for me. That was something you never tried to do. When I saidI was done, you didn't run after until it was too late and I didn't see it until you were gone. I realized this when one came to me and laid a kiss on my cheek and told me not to worry because he was not gonna hurt me. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight to let me know he was there through the hurt and through everything we would face. He didn't know what he was getting into, but he knew he wanted to be apart of it. I can look in his eyes and know he sees the future the way I do. I need that reassuring love. I'm growing up, so please understand, there's a place in my heart for you but I need you to stay there and only there. I was too young for you, I was naive and had built up fantasies. So I am saying sorry even though I don't need too. I am sorry for not picking up the phone, and ignoring your blank stares but I'm good and you don't need to worry. I've got people who love me, I've got people watching my back, and I most of all I am finally happy. You always said I'll support you if your happy, well prove it.

"Well I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why
 I see it all now that you're gone, Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home, I should have known
Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame
Maybe it's you and you're sick need to give love and take it away
And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can
You are an expert at "sorry" and keeping lines blurry
Never impressed by me acing your tests, All the girls that you've run dry have tired, lifeless eyes
Cause you burned them out, But I took your matches before fire could catch me
So don't look now
I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town"

"Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?"






♥ Loveeee.