Some people want it all, but I want nothing at all.

I know I have only been in college for a semester and a half, but so much of me has changed from high school and it is crazy to think. When people tell you that you will change, you don't believe them. When people tell you that college is different from high school in so many ways, you don't believe them. Then you get to college, and you see yourself changing in the smallest of aspects every single day, and then you realize it is because life is different and then you finally believe them and wish you would have listened. For instance, in high school I was this girl who ran from place to place without a care in her mind, not even a worry of what place she is running to next. I would just run to run and when it came time to slow down, I wouldn't. I would make sure I had something to do that kept me busy but yet I did not really plan for that. Then I came to college and I have seemed to transformed into hating being busy all day, I like to have that time in the day where I can sit without a worry in the world and breathe. Just do nothing, absolutely nothing on the schedule. I take that time to think, drink my cup of coffee, and love life for exactly what it is. If it even looks like I can't have that time, I get stressed because I know I need it. I also was never organized, never planned, and never scheduled. Now I am writing down exactly what is due and when to start doing it, not only that but I have scheduled out my days. To be honest, I do not even look at the schedule until either half way through the day or before I go to sleep and I cross off all the stuff that was done. It is just to nice to know what time slots I have of freedom and how long things will take. Obviously, things always come up that are unplanned but at least their is space to squeeze that in and still breathe. Another thing that has changed was how I disliked being home all day, now I still have trouble with that but I love being home. I love taking in the smell of coffee and candles, and being surrounded by people who mean the world to me. I was so ready to leave and go to college, and now I find myself dreaming of driving home. Days like today where it is sunny with a tint of gloom, and Adel's song chasing pavement is running through my mind, I find myself thankful I can sit and cherish the little moments of nothingness in life because it is good for me and important to have in my day. Yes you can laugh and think that I am too high strung because my schedule isn't that busy at all compared to those with no time slots for anything, but my job is school. So school is what I will spend my time doing even if that means giving up watching that show thats on even if it may not kill me to go watch it. Of course, later I will watch it when I am done with that exam or done with all the homework thats due, but until then I take my free time and I use it to de-stress and rid of the anxiety that so easily builds up and you know what, that's ok.

Loveeee.