"I would have stayed up with you all night..

if i knew how to save a life"
i dont how many times my itunes shuffles back to this song and it is almost a theme song for a past relationship. Every time it comes on play, i listen intently as a the past replays in my head as if it were yesterday. It is so vivid and i can see every gesture in my head made to each lyric in the song. Not only do i listen to it once on shuffle, i allow it to go back two or three times again just to remember.
Im not really sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but i love memories and i tend to take my thoughts and find a song to match the mood and emotion felt.
So i suppose you could say for almost every song i have this memory that is a constant replay to the song.
But for how to save a life- the fray, there is a just a particularly stronger memory feeding into my brain as every word passes by. Here is what i'm picturing.

The song begins, i can remember that one time at chili's and we were sitting on the bench outside. I, of course in tears. You explained to me that we could no longer be due to the circumstances you were finding yourself caught up in. I always wanted you to know that i cared, i always wanted you to know that i never judged but only wanted to be help. I wanted to be the one to save you, unfortunately now im aware of this fact, i now know that was not the reason i was sitting on that bench. I always always made sure to listen to you. You didn't know how to express yourself, you didnt know how to show the proper emotion. Although, i always saw it in your eyes. "you stay right between the lines of fear and blame, you begin to wonder why you came." You wanted to show the emotion so bad, you wanted to tell me how you really felt but you were so afraid and so scared of me seeing your true self. The chorus comes on, "Let him know that you know best, cause after all you do know best". I always tried to tell you what was right without pressuring or forcing anything on you. I wanted you to know that you weren't a screw up, and i wanted you to know i knew what i was saying and could help. Like the song said "pray to God he hears you" and i prayed, i prayed every night for you. I Prayed when i didn't want too and i prayed when i was angry at you. I prayed you heard the words i said."He will do one of two things, He will admit to everything or he'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came" I remember hoping you would do the first thing, i wanted you to be honest, i hoped for you to just tell me how you really feel. I wanted you to tell me everything so badly. You were so clueless of the desire in my heart to just simply save you. I saw every ounce of good potential in you that no one else ever saw. You saw yourself as someone who could never do anything right. You saw yourself as a failure. You thought that because you had screwed up once it was bound to you and your name for the rest of your life. What you did not know was that i forgave you every single time. I gave you forgiveness 70 times 7 just like the bible say. Only it was not through me that forgave you, it was through God's grace and ability i was able to forgive you. That you did not see or believe. I tried to prove it you. I tried everything in the whole world to show you the greatness you had in you, to put the tough shell away and be who you were made to be. In the end, it was not my calling. I was just there to get you started and to continue as a light to you. I still love you, and you hold a huge part of my heart that i don't think i was suppose to give to you. However, i cannot take it back. We created a bond that can never be undone. I still wonder. I still think these exact words,"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life" I wish you knew i would have done anything to rescue you with Gods power if you would only let me. God is bigger than me and he is constantly reminding me that he used me to the full ability he could in your life. He is constantly reminding me that he saved you and will continue to save you over and over again until you choose him. I sometimes get bitter that i spent that much time on you and i do not even get to see the results. But God continues to show me the little ways you are slowly changing more and more each day and puts people in my life to let me know he's growing in you. So thank you Lord Jesus for saving his life. Thank you Lord for using me in ways i could never imagine. Last but not least thank you Lord for giving me the opportunity to be a part of the ministry. Thank you Lord for this song being a constant reminder of the work your doing in the lives of people needing to be saved.

Strange how God talks to people in ways you can understand clearly. Music speaks to me to say the least.