bleh.

This is what i do during the day in college..


Lots and lots of reading & writing.
However, this explains how i feel about it.




No worries i always find time for fun :]

11 months.

Some call it a silly game, I call it love. Whether that entitles us to laughing at funny street names together, blaring the music and screaming the lyrics with the windows rolled down, give each other kisses, bear hugs, just laying in silence, or holding hands. I call it love. Today is my 11 month anniversary, i know some say 11 months thats nothing. However, you would be surprised to see that most people date less than 6 months now and get married. So for now i think 11 months is just perfect! Especially when you have spent the last 2 apart. Anyways, i would like to just say that he is my best friend, of course my man best friend cause i got my lady friends too. We are so compatible and i am so grateful that i found him when i did. He came in and as he likes to say all he had to do was "bat those googly blue-eyes" took me away. Although i deny this, it might be true.. I turned him down once and he was able to come right back in and sweep me off my feet. He made laugh which is so important to me, He was always honest ( i really was looking for an honest relationship), He is so fun, oh and loud ha which i am not, i really don't mind though. We always find a way to have fun together even if that includes a lazy night in front of the tv. He has always made me feel so dainty and small which i love so muchhh! The things that i think most guys would find weird if they saw a girl do, he finds cute. When we started dating we bough each other postsecret, if you haven't read it, i suggest it, but we collected them all together and i think its just so sweet. He is so sentimental in the way he sends these long, elaborate, cute texts almost every night just so that i will wake up and smile in the morning. These have been the most amazing 11 months and i would not trade them for everything. I have always been afraid to open up to a new guy, after being hurt the way i was. He however changed my whole perspective on guys. Not only did he change mine, he changed his own. You see, he used to fit into my "every boy is like this.." category. Now he falls in his own. He is a gentleman and still reminds me everyday that he cares and is going to put as much into this relationship as he did the first week, during all the puppy love. I love him. Thank you Lord Jesus for pairing me with someone who is becoming my other half. Oh and you should all know he is jock, and that is just a major plus that i fail to mention a lot, because all the other things are more important. I never saw myself with anyone like him but now i cant picture myself with anyone but him. I wish i could be there with him but i have school and he has football. So for now Happy 11 months long distance love, You'll always be my blue eyes.
These are for you, they pretty much describe us.
There is a lot because i could not choose favorites.

love.

Those Three Words.




"I and Love and You"

Thick as Thieves.

We have been here so many times before. You in my place or me in yours. Torn to pieces, laying on the floor, crying with no limits. Only because we think were brave enough to let someone in, just one more time. We think to ourselves "this is it" or "i know he is the one". Thinking this only opens up so many doors for the future in a girls mind. We are just teasing and torturing ourselves when we allow our mind to wander to this point. Obviously, if your dating someone marriage should be a question, because you don't want to date someone that you cant see yourself marrying. However, this thought dangles in front of us and opens a gate to us. We become so vulnerable, we forget one key thing that we were reminded c onstantly as we grow up, To guard your heart. How could we forget this? Oh yeah, we were "in love" and it is oh so blinding. We choose every excuse in the book to not accept reality. Let me tell you something though, reality hits, and when it does it hits you hard. HInts the reason we end up with our heads in our best friends laps as tears stream down on our face as we try to catch a breath of what is reality. We want to cry for each other only because we know how bad it really hurts. Also "its all gonna be ok" seems like the last thing we thing we wanna hear, it almost makes you want to scream liar at the person. But, deep down inside we all know this is the only truth we have to feed into each other's ears, a little slice of hope. Everyone learns lessons in their own ways, however we tend to choose the difficult path in which we lose a little piece of ourselves on the way. We never regret it, we just pick up the pieces and move on. It is easier said than done. What really happens is we spend days in tears and devastation as we try to find the bright side. We try to see that it is for a good reason (which it is). It is all apart of the plan. We bury ourselves in good music, reality tv, pints of ice cream, and girly magazines. Then one day we wake up, grab the hand of our best friend and walk together. We help each other to see the light and it all clicks. We wake up from our fairytale that turned into a nightmare. We step into reality and we grasp it hand in hand.
Because best friends get what they deserve and you deserve me by your side in every stride.

Absolutely Adorable.

"She said, hello mister Pleased to meet ya

I want to hold her, I want to kiss her,
She smell the daisy, She smell the daisy,

She drive me crazy, She drive me crazy

Gonna take her for a ride on a big jet plane

Be my lover, My lady river
But can i take ya, Take ya higher

Gonna take her for a ride on a big jet plane


Gonna hold you, Gonna kissing my arms

Gonna take you, Away from home"

Big Jet Plane-Angus and Julia stone
picture from weheartit.com

First Day of Autumn.

Hello Fall.
I am ecstatic. I cannot wait for the cool crisp breeze to be blowing in my hair. I cannot wait to put on my boots and a cute sweater, oh and maybe a scarf. I cannot wait to be hand in hand in the perfect weather. I cannot wait to drink hot tea and it not make me hotter but warm me up! I cannot wait to just enjoy walking to classes without sweating.
Last night, i was walking back from dinner and got my first glimpse of fall weather. It was about 70 something degrees and it was perfect. I just sat outside for about 45 minutes on the phone and it made for a perfect evening.
Fall weather just makes my mood so much better.

"Im so sick and tired of being sick and tired"

Welcome to my thoughts.


It feels like it has been a week since we talked on the phone.
I just want to hear your voice.

School is wearing me down.
emotionally & physically.
i feel like im drowning in papers and tests.

I am so homesick.
and i only live an hour away.
Thank Jesus i can drive home this weekend.
Every time i talk to my mom on the phone, it makes me want to go home.
Her wisdom and kind heart makes everything better.

Lord, i am so weak.
in every area of my life.
I need you more than ever.
especially strength.
But first "break my heart for what breaks yours".


loveeee. ♥

Going to drink some sleepy time tea and fall asleep to some slow soothing music.

If i could just hold your hand.

holding hands. This is what i miss the most about you besides laughing with you.
If i could just hold your hand, i would know we were gonna be alright.
Everything would fall into place as you squeeze my hand tightly, reminding me that you would never let go.
Then i would glance up at you, like i always do, and we would lock eyes and i would know you mean it.
All i want to know is that you mean it.

Heres to Abby.

Happy birthday beautiful. Today is the one and only's, Abby Truett Donaldson's Birthday. She is so far away, and i feel i need to do something for her. Distance wont be a killer on this birthday present. Anyways, this post is dedicated all to her (she will see this one, because she is one of the few readers i have). You should all i know that i love her will all my heart, and its grown so much more just in the past week. I appreciate the fact that she is always honest with me. Abby is not one to tell you something just because you want to hear it. She is truthful, even when it may hurt but she knows you need to hear it. This all because of the way she cares and its something i really admire her for. She radiates with light. It's like she walks into a room with a smile on here face and something to say that will make everyone laugh (on a good day of course :]) However, i think most days are a good day because she was always making me smile. She's a great listener and i love talking to her. I hope your birthday is wonderful abby, i love you so much and cant wait to see you!
oh and p.s. if you didnt notice, she is absolutely gorgeous!

Simplicity.

I dont know if you know the feeling where everything around you seems so cluttered. Well, this is how i find myself feeling at a minimum of at least 5 times a day. With yesterday being monday, i of course found myself cluttered every second of all day. I awoke this morning 3 hours before class because i need to study, edit a paper due today, drink my coffee, and sit down for a reading of devotion, and not only all of that but shower and get ready for my 12 o'clock class. College life is just cluttered and overwhelming. Especially since i am still figuring out my routine and priorities. This morning however it clicked.
I was reading my favorite "My utmost for his highest" and the devotion for september 13 was about Spiritual simplicity. I have always noticed the simple things among the clutter of life. They always stick out to me and mean so much more. Simple little things are worth more, they are always so beautiful in the aspect that though they are simple, plain, and small, they do elaborate things for the heart. Anyways, the devotion started off "Simplicity is the secret of seeing things clearly". I think lately i have been lost in the muddle and mess around me that im losing sight of what is most important. I am losing my thoughts and i keep trying to process them but it cant get around the mess and over complex thinking. Today my prayer is that God can clear my thoughts, that i give him the power to sort through everything and allow me to hear him clearly and obey his will without processing what he has asked of me. Every time i question why he wants me to do something, i miss the simple point and simple task he has asked me. I think about all the clutter and the to do list piling in my mind and how will ever get around to what God wants. I am so off. I am human. I should see that God should be his own to do list. It is so simple and so clear, that i overlook it. However, Simplicity is key. Today i choose simple.

I choose to think simple thoughts.
I choose to process God and his simple questions first.
I choose to see the beautiful simple things in life.
I choose a simple outlook.

P.s. I apologize for this post, i am sure you can tell how muddled and scattered my thoughts really have been just by my writing.

Dear stranger,

I love you. i love you more than you will ever comprehend.
I have and will continue to invest in you.
I told you "ins and outs, ups and downs, im in it for the long haul".
I know your it.
I hope you keep your mind clear and your focus right.
I dream of the bad days where i get to end them with your smile and bear hugs.
I cant wait for our hands to fold into eachothers when everything is finally solved.
I want you to always be the person i fell in love with.
I am in love with you.


Who do you love right now?
What do you have as your top priority ?
Who have you told about me?
What do you know?
What is it your hoping for?
What are your dreams?
What cant you wait for?
Who do you want?
Who are you?

Love, your babygirl.

Wont you please come home?

Distance is a killer, and im sick of saying goodbye.


“Absence makes the heart grow fonder for a while, but if it keeps up, the emotional distance grows"

"I would have stayed up with you all night..

if i knew how to save a life"
i dont how many times my itunes shuffles back to this song and it is almost a theme song for a past relationship. Every time it comes on play, i listen intently as a the past replays in my head as if it were yesterday. It is so vivid and i can see every gesture in my head made to each lyric in the song. Not only do i listen to it once on shuffle, i allow it to go back two or three times again just to remember.
Im not really sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but i love memories and i tend to take my thoughts and find a song to match the mood and emotion felt.
So i suppose you could say for almost every song i have this memory that is a constant replay to the song.
But for how to save a life- the fray, there is a just a particularly stronger memory feeding into my brain as every word passes by. Here is what i'm picturing.

The song begins, i can remember that one time at chili's and we were sitting on the bench outside. I, of course in tears. You explained to me that we could no longer be due to the circumstances you were finding yourself caught up in. I always wanted you to know that i cared, i always wanted you to know that i never judged but only wanted to be help. I wanted to be the one to save you, unfortunately now im aware of this fact, i now know that was not the reason i was sitting on that bench. I always always made sure to listen to you. You didn't know how to express yourself, you didnt know how to show the proper emotion. Although, i always saw it in your eyes. "you stay right between the lines of fear and blame, you begin to wonder why you came." You wanted to show the emotion so bad, you wanted to tell me how you really felt but you were so afraid and so scared of me seeing your true self. The chorus comes on, "Let him know that you know best, cause after all you do know best". I always tried to tell you what was right without pressuring or forcing anything on you. I wanted you to know that you weren't a screw up, and i wanted you to know i knew what i was saying and could help. Like the song said "pray to God he hears you" and i prayed, i prayed every night for you. I Prayed when i didn't want too and i prayed when i was angry at you. I prayed you heard the words i said."He will do one of two things, He will admit to everything or he'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came" I remember hoping you would do the first thing, i wanted you to be honest, i hoped for you to just tell me how you really feel. I wanted you to tell me everything so badly. You were so clueless of the desire in my heart to just simply save you. I saw every ounce of good potential in you that no one else ever saw. You saw yourself as someone who could never do anything right. You saw yourself as a failure. You thought that because you had screwed up once it was bound to you and your name for the rest of your life. What you did not know was that i forgave you every single time. I gave you forgiveness 70 times 7 just like the bible say. Only it was not through me that forgave you, it was through God's grace and ability i was able to forgive you. That you did not see or believe. I tried to prove it you. I tried everything in the whole world to show you the greatness you had in you, to put the tough shell away and be who you were made to be. In the end, it was not my calling. I was just there to get you started and to continue as a light to you. I still love you, and you hold a huge part of my heart that i don't think i was suppose to give to you. However, i cannot take it back. We created a bond that can never be undone. I still wonder. I still think these exact words,"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life" I wish you knew i would have done anything to rescue you with Gods power if you would only let me. God is bigger than me and he is constantly reminding me that he used me to the full ability he could in your life. He is constantly reminding me that he saved you and will continue to save you over and over again until you choose him. I sometimes get bitter that i spent that much time on you and i do not even get to see the results. But God continues to show me the little ways you are slowly changing more and more each day and puts people in my life to let me know he's growing in you. So thank you Lord Jesus for saving his life. Thank you Lord for using me in ways i could never imagine. Last but not least thank you Lord for giving me the opportunity to be a part of the ministry. Thank you Lord for this song being a constant reminder of the work your doing in the lives of people needing to be saved.

Strange how God talks to people in ways you can understand clearly. Music speaks to me to say the least.

His grace covers me.

Today as i was reading my daily morning devotion, it talked about something that just had never occurred to me. It is amazing what God can teach you everyday. As i am going to a non-christian college, i realize that i have no excuse not to be a light for i am surrounded by people who need God so desperately. This is a challenge from God. I have never had trouble expressing my beliefs in him but it is a whole another world here. It is testing my faith greatly, but God reminds me everyday of how he is the one of who i am to follow and he will carry me through any situation. It is a challenge I've never had to face in my life. My reading from oswald chamber's book, "My utmost for his highest" was just eye-opening. I have never realized as christians that we get blessed so often yet so many times we suck it up for ourselves. Where if we just took Gods blessing and poured a little of it into each life around us today then we would be touching so many lives and being a huge light that we may not even realize. It is an easy opening to share christ yet we live out of the flesh and forget so easily. People not of God dont understand blessings, they may see it as getting lucky or having a good day. However, i know i see it as God reminding me of his love but now not only that but to share it. Why would i hide something i received with such great power behind it? My challenge this week is to pour out Gods blessing into those around me so that they may see his glory and grace.

♥ loveee.

I love love.

I love LOVE.
i love all the different aspects of love, such as the different moods it brings to different people.
I love the relationships with love, whether it be a friend, family member, boyfriend/girlfriend,or life. People all over the world love, whether it is with intentions or without.
I love that love can be seen as an art to me, and people all have their own idea of what love may be and the concepts of love people come up with, whether it be positive or negative.
I love love. I love loving people, I love what love does to people, and i love the look on peoples face in love.
I hope everyone takes a moment in life and steps back and observes everyone as they love, and the differentiating love languages people use. You will be amazed, and you too will be in love with love, how could you not, is just at the core of relationships.
Love is a crucial necessity.

p.s. i love that love travels even through distance. Makes the miles seem like nothing but a number.

""It's good to be in love
It really does suit you
Just like everything
I'm happy your in love
'Cause every color goes where you do""-Frou Frou