Today was the day. Hello tears. I tend to push reality out of the way, i try to live in the moment and absorb everything around me at once. This by the way leads to too much thinking, zoning out, and a dear in the headlights look on my face. After proceeding through each one of those steps, you hit the feel good, "i love life" mood. However, don't be deceived, there is a crash included. It may take days, months, who knows however many tears your body feels the ability to hold back. It does come though, and once it is built up, it will not back down (trust me, i've tried). So tonight happened to be the night where all my thoughts came out in the form of tears. If you know me, red dots all around the eyes and green green eyes do occur. It's kind of a package deal.
Anyways, i came to say that, tonight i lost it. Completely lost it.
There could be a few factors for the cause of this. Im sure you are interested, not really but oh well i'm sharing.
1) I looked people in the eyes, i mean i really looked at them. I don't know if you have ever stared at someone in complete silence. No no, not awkward but serene. You just stare. Well i did, and included the passing thoughts "I am not going to see this look for such a long time" as well as "Im really gonna miss those big blue eyes". This maybe, just might have been the tipping point for the day.
2)Heavy Breaths. Have you listened to people breathe? i know weird. Just listen sometime though, you don't have to be a creep. You can just be sitting next to them and listening to the way someone breathes is actually special. You would be surprised. They do not have to know you may be listening, its just special. Especially when you and that person are breathing the same pattern. So interesting.
3) Last but not least 98 cents. Lately i have been taking all my time to appreciate the little things. You notice or hear things you do not usually recall. Today i observed my boyfriend checking out at Walgreens. The total was $2.92. Therefore the change was, 98 cents. ha. He was pretty frustrated he had to put a whole 98 cents in his pocket. Then it spilt all over, out of his pocket, and into the floor. This only added to the frustration. It was so cute. He is kind of ridiculous when it comes to cleanliness and i am the opposite. So i am grateful that i have someone who is neat and will keep me in line. It is not an option to be messy with him. I moved his shoes ( not even thinking about it) and took my flip flops off. Later i found my shoes and his shoes placed directly against the wall side by side. He also scoffed and said "you moved my shoes". Does it really matter? to him, yes. Which makes it important to me as well. Really now though, who knew an 18 year old boy wanted to be so clean. All i can say is i observed him today and all his little quirks just shined right through. It was actually adorable to just smile and see all of them.
So all these might have been included to push the thoughts into tears. Although, it was quiet for a long time after and i just received the best hug of all time. There was nothing wrong to cause the tears. Which is hard to explain to a boy. All is good. Crying i think can be good for you. It truly was a precious moment.
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